Two days after burying my Mom

 Yesterday was just non-stop.  Went back to storage, fought to get my grandfather's bed into my car (ok, Mark fought), then to Habitat For Humanity (H4H), which took way longer than you'd think. Then had to make separate trip with the 4-drawer. Then back to apartment. Finally got a hold of billing, and it turns out that they give you 30 days to get everything out, which means it didn't all have to be done now. (When moved Mom from upstairs to Personal Care it was a very short period, like 5 days, to get her out, so with no one answering my emails assumed it was less than 2 weeks.) On the plus side it gave me something else to concentrate on rather than crying. Then, on Beth's suggestion, called PT and they took a huge amount of the things out, followed by nursing service which took all the medical supplies. HUGE relief. But tiring. Mark fixed the shelves that collapsed in the days before Mom died, but have to re-arrange everything. He also fixed the sink drain, which was a huge help, but again my shoving things everywhere means more stuff to cope with. I have got to get rid of stuff.

I'm realizing that I'm freaking out way more than usual because it just seems like everything is happening so fast and my Mom just died. How do people work and go through this? Or raise a family at the same time, especially with little kids?

Today up about 7am, out the door with meal prepared yesterday. Rob, a friend from Fellowship, came & helped Mark move things to my storage, which is way too full since couldn't find any way to quickly get a large china cabinet out. Still coping with all the small stuff, H4H came about 11:15 (if I'd been late at 8:00 am sure they would have been there at 8:10....), they didn't take everything. Mark & I loaded my car, run to Green Drop and they wouldn't take filing cabinet, so then drove to a scrap metal place since the thing was already in my car. Then another run to Green Drop. Then back to apartment for more stuff......And it's just decision after decision after decision. Being an only child has it's good points and bad points: no one else to have to negotiate with, but no one else to share the load. 

This is what most people go through, just warning you.

I'm exhausted, strung out, snappy. My right knee started hurting a few days ago and has gotten worse, and I know it's just from over-use. I've been non-stop since Aug 29, then was away in Sept, came back and Mom wanted to go on hospice. Usually, I schedule at least 2-3 days completely at home every week, and that hasn't happened in 2 months. 

Mark left today, but I told Beth I needed night and weekend off to recuperate. There is no rush now, and because Beth & Mark have been so efficient we are way ahead of schedule in clearing out. That said, my house is now piled with stuff. I'm keeping way too much of her things, but I just don't want to let too much go and then regret, figure can always get rid of things later. And for someone used to spending a lot of time alone there is just the stress of sharing a house, which is no one's fault, and I'm so fortunate to have them. But life keeps on, you don't get an excuse from all the other things that happen.

Much as I wanted to not leave the house all tomorrow it seems prudent to get my flu shot. Usually I get it on Halloween, so can remember date, but obviously that didn't happen this year. So, that means side effects on Monday. And next week have to get to canceling stuff, have only done paper and one magazine so far. And there's the Register of Wills, and coping with Social Security, and filing for an estate number for taxes. If there isn't a list to follow there should be, just to know what you have in store. And so little can be done ahead of time. 

You hear stories about this, but it doesn't make it any easier. Am hoping with tomorrow off, limited side effects from flu shot, and hopefully a going to Fellowship on Sunday that I'll have a chance to recalibrate. Because right now I feel somewhat out of control.