Jan 26: Need to whine about the pain

Anyone who has spent more than a couple years in EMS generally will tell you they have back pain. It is just impossible to use proper lifting techniques when you are pulling people out of cars or from between the toilet & bathtub--generally when they're in cardiac arrest and, therefore, literally dead weight. As mentioned before my back has been an issue before starting in EMS, which then made it worse.

So now being in my late 40s (ouch) it is expected that I'll have some aches and pains. Getting out of bed in the morning involves some interesting movements, although if it follows a day where I've eaten correctly it is much better.
The foot still intermittently hurts, the hips hurt, the shoulders hurt and the chest hurts.
Yoga yesterday, did the same positions that I've been doing (although not as diligently as I should!) but suddenly had pretty severe pain along the sternal incision. This remains the most consistent pain, daily but varying as to how much. While my scar is very unimpressive on the surface, running your finger down the length of the sternum is a different case. The split is only about a half an inch, but you can put your finger into it, it runs from the top all the way down to the xiphoid, getting wider from midway down. Sneezing still hurts. Coughing and laughing still require holding my chest, there is still some lung herniation below where the mesh holds the the upper part of the right lung into my chest. Sometimes I feel the lung hitting it, although anything that causes that usually causes the sternal pain which is worse. Sitting here now it just hurts: a constant ache in the center of my chest which becomes sharper with certain movements or sometimes with nothing but breathing. Deep breathing isn't an option, because that hurts more.  Pain is tiring, physically and psychologically.

Occasionally the thoracotomy incision hurts, as well as the site of the chest tube from that surgery.
And the clicking. The constant clicking. They said by the time the surgery was two years out I wouldn't notice it anymore. But not only do I still hear it I also feel it, as previously mentioned as if there is a watch in my throat. And at night, while trying to get to sleep it's just loud and radiating to both ears, left more than right. Sometimes I just want it to stop, although obviously that would be a bad thing.

Yes, I'm doing very well. Yes, things are better than a couple years ago. Yes, my recovery is more than ever anticipated. Yes, having had repeated surgeries leads to more complications than most. Yes, these things are the result of my survival. Yes, it seems unappreciative to be complaining with many other blessings.  Yes, there are many other people who are much worse off.

But it doesn't change the fact that every day means pain, the only question is how severe and constant. And the clicking: tick. tick. tick. tick. tick. tick.
OK, back to the regularly scheduled positive programming.   Laurie