July 11: post pulmonary stress test

Figured this was as good  a time as any to post.  Really want to go to the couch, but  will do this first. 

After weeks of anticipation I finally had the  pulmonary stress test today.  It's a test I've never had, never seen and don't know much about.  Basic review is that you wear a mask as you walk which measures your oxygen and carbon dioxide exchange, which gives detailed information on what changes when you exercise, giving an idea of both lung & heart function with exertion.

Everyone was very nice.  The respiratory tech who brought me back made a comment about how interesting my chart was, I rolled my eyes and said my standard line of 'I'd love to be boring'.   Another respiratory tech, a student and the cardiologist rounded out the audience.  I warned everyone that my tolerance might be worse  due to the bout  of plantar fasciitis that has been going on for the last few months, causing limping.  

It starts very slowly: 1mph, then increases in alternating amounts of incline or speed.  They have you point to a chart to  relay how symptomatic you feel as you aren't allowed to talk with the mask on.   They kept offering to stop, even before 10 minutes was up.  I've  always been of the mindset that if you are doing a test it's not supposed to be all fun, and you push yourself beyond normal.  So I pushed to  15 minutes, and they all told me how wonderfully I'd done, how much longer that was than they were used to, etc.  No results, no indication of what did or didn't show.

I made a comment to the cardiologist before starting that my concern was always that I was exaggerating, that there wasn't as much wrong as I feel like there is.  His reassuring response was 'I've seen your echo, you aren't exaggerating.'  But, again, no results afterwards, and it was clear I was still out of breath for  7-8 minutes afterwards, which is what happens when I push, although my pulse ox was measuring 97-98%. 

My worries, stated before, is if I'm as sick as I feel.   How much is just deconditioning?  Is it my weight?   How much is the autoimmune issue with the damn prednisone?  Am I not pushing myself as much as I should?  Am I exaggerating, even to myself?  It was reassuring to  see the pulse ox drop so dramatically during the pulmonary rehab eval, will it show up to the same extent here as well?

My terror is that they'll say that while I am compromised that my complaints are more severe than they should be.  I'm worried that I'll have to go back to work and be forever the way the last 10 years have been:  a struggle to get through each day, barely able to function, spending any days not working doing the basic errands and shopping, constantly exhausted and feeling like crap every single day. 

I keep going back to before my first stress echo at Presbyterian August 2004.  My comment to the techs who worked with me doing stress tests in my office was that I hoped it showed something was wrong, even to the point of  needing  heart surgery, because I couldn't imagine being told it wasn't that bad and then continuing to feel so horrible.  It was something of a relief, in a weird way, to find out how bad I was then, to the point that they scheduled my surgery before I left the testing center. 

You would think after all this time, and the number of times they have been stunned at how much I was doing considering how bad my heart function was, that I'd no longer feel as if justification was needed.  And yet, I still do.  Maybe because I know that the weight, deconditioning & autoimmune are all factors, but just don't know how much.   And I just can't imagine going back to work when I don't even feel that great after months of not working. 

The good news is that I leave Sunday for a week at UUMAC, the yearly camp with people I just adore.  Since Chester bit, and drew blood on, yet another person who tried to feed the cats when I went to VA  for Emily's graduation it doesn't make sense to try that again.  I found a feeder that goes for  4 days, which gives me more wiggle room.  I'll come back Wednesday afternoon, give Chester wet food, replenish the dry feeder & water, check on any storm damage from the predicted storms the night before and get more things together for the auction that happens Thursday as a fund raiser.  It's a 90 minute drive, but the good  news about being used to an hour commute is that it doesn't seem that overwhelming for an afternoon.

Bidge has alerted me that he was unable to post a comment.  This format is now very outdated, it keeps saying to change to something else, and I'm so computer illiterate that I've just kept putting it off.  Something to do in a couple more weeks, with some help. 

Thanks for checking in,    Laurie