Jan 21: the week in brief

Well, I have survived the week. Monday and Tuesday were pretty good, but then Wednesday I had to go to both hospitals, and I started to really fade. Thursday I was really tired, but Friday was the pits. At least people stopped telling me how great I looked! Joanne talked me into going out Saturday night, and I saw a few friends from 122s, which was great. Don't get me wrong, I love being a P.A., but giving up being a medic has been the worst part of this for me. Although I don't miss the hours or the petty politics of volley vs paid at all. I love telling stories and hearing new ones, it makes me feel a little more connected. Today I went up to the P'ville house with Bidge (who was my first CPR instructor 30 years ago!), who is acting as my contractor. Measured the whole inside, planning renovations and furniture placement. The downstairs renters have found a new place, and will be out in early March, so we can swing into action then. Hoping I will feel better by then, because lots to do. Isn't moving the worst? (Well, outside of getting your heart stopped repeatedly and your lung resected!) Anyway, the next week does not promise to be any better, although I will try to decrease the hours at the end of the week. Thanks for checking! Laurie

Jan 13: Big and little news!

Well, first the "little" news, which is still a big deal. Carrie, the newest PA who was hired in July, has injured her ankle while running. The current diagnosis is a partial tear of a tendon, so she needs to stay off it entirely for at least two weeks to keep it from becoming a full tear, which would necessitate surgery. So, I have to go back into the hospitals. This week went pretty well in the office almost full time, with my lying down to rest, but I am dreading being back to the increased energy that being in the hospital demands. And for two weeks. Every day. BUT, it would obviously be even worse if Carrie had to be out for surgery, which would mean her being restricted for at least two months. So, I will be going in about 11:30 am or 12 noon, then staying until at least 5:00 pm. At that point, I often stay until closer to 6:00 because the traffic so so horrid and it takes longer to get home. There is not really a choice in the matter, and I suspect that I will be exhausted every night. Goody.

And now the big news: I have decided to move. My current townhouse is gorgeous and rather large, especially for one person. Three bedrooms, plus a den, 2 1/2 baths, full basement. It has been wonderful, however, to have enough space for people staying here and taking care of me. But, as I adjust to being a chronic heart patient, things need to change. Just when I was meeting Dr. Cohn 9/05, I was preparing to feel as lousy as I did then for the rest of my life (which, sadly, is still how I feel now, but with hope for improvement). So, I bought a house in Phoenixville, both as an investment and a back-up. It is a cute two-story brick house that is separated into two apartments, a larger one on the first floor and a smaller one on the second floor, with a separate entrance. Moving into the first floor apartment will substantially decrease my amount of physical exertion and be easier to care for than my current house. I'm planning a lot of renovations after my current tenants leave (they are looking for another place now), so suspect that the move will not happen before late March/early April. It will mean a large amount of down-sizing, which will be difficult as I am something of a pack-rat. But the benefits of less to take care of and everything on one floor will make my day-to-day life much easier. And financially it will be a huge help. I have lost tens of thousands of dollars over the past two years, between decreased pay when I can't work full-time (currently on 3/4 salary), lost bonuses and the loss of all the income from the Squad. My savings are very depleted, and no one knows how much my energy will improve and when I will deteriorate more. Having the income from the second floor apartment will cover a lot of the mortgage, after refinancing when my current house sells. So, I would be OK if I could only work part-time or, worst case scenario, was on disability in the future. This isn't a permanent solution, but will allow me to regroup as I see how things develop over the next several years.

Phoenixville is really a nice place, very diverse, and experiencing a revival. There is lots to do, a real community atmosphere with more things happening in the future. It is right next to Valley Forge State Park, so lots of nature that won't be developed. It is due to go on the SEPTA line in 2009, which will make getting to Phila easy. The hospital has been bought by a major system, and they are expanding their cardiology department as they double the size of the hospital. This would give me a great option if I couldn't work full time and wanted to decrease my commuting time--I can stand in my street and see the hospital. (I am NOT planning on leaving my current employers any time soon because they have been too good to me!)

My next cardiology appointment with an echo is February 1, so it will give me more of idea how I am healing. I may need another stress echo to assess functioning, but that's not a big deal. There are some things that I haven't mentioned as I cope with all the changes in my life. No one ever can plan on what happens to their health, and I never thought I would be so compromised before I even turned 44.

I hope that you all understand why I still am not communicating with everyone individually, between lack of energy and trying to work as much as possible while taking care of all the day-to-day things that need to be coped with. It is not for lack of wanting to, but out of necessity. So please continue to check here every once in a while for updates.

Thanks for your concern and understanding, Laurie

Jan 10: short post

Well, for all of you that have been waiting with baited breath to hear how the "redirect" of whoop ass went (JT's term!), I am sorry to disappoint you. As much as I really wanted to lay into her, my professionalism took over and I was very restrained. I kept reminding myself that, regardless of what happened, I still was going to have to work with her. So, I took the (boring) high road. Yes, I know, this is a real shock to any of you that have seen my wrath, but there it is. Being mature is no fun!! Today is, in case you lost track, the five month anniversary of the second surgery. Or, as Joanne puts it : When they killed me for the fourth time. (She really doesn't like the whole stopping my heart part of this!) More than a little bummed that I don't feel better. Discovering that I need to take diuretics every day, because every other day leaves me with a weight gain of 1/2 to 1 pound, which is too much. This is the depressing reality of my still being in heart failure. Trying to work almost full hours this week in the office. Not my choice, but I'll be seeing my cardiologist soon. Got through today with two 1/2 lying down sessions, following a good nights sleep, so did OK. More news in a bit, but off to bed! Laurie

Jan 1, 2007: Where did the time go?!

Didn't realize that it was so long since the last post, but with the holiday I kind of got behind. Went down to Virginia with my Mom to see my cousin Beth and family. Came back Tues. Wednesday didn't have a great day at work. AR, who has been there just a year as the second PA, verbally attacked me, which was totally unexpected. Just kept at me about when I was coming back, how much longer was it going to be, would I ever be able to work full time and why didn't I quit and get a job teaching. She actually made me cry. Granted, I was tired and my right back hurt from all the shifting the day before, but I usually don't cry. But, honestly, not being able to work full time is my terror. What if I don't get substantially better? What if I am still in the same position as before, can work but nothing else. And she just sat there and kept staring at me! No apology, no concern. Totally out of left field. I'm not sure what the root of the issue is, but I will be having a little chat with her this week about how many lines she crossed over. This is someone who was calling me 4-5 times a day with the stupidist questions for eight months, because it was easier to call me and ask than to figure it out herself. And now, four and a half months after my SECOND heart surgery she wants to force me out because I'm not back full time? She gets paid regardless, and has clearly forgotten that all the benefits she gets are because of me. AND I just talked the big boss into giving her and the other PA overtime when they are there late. Nothing like showing her appreciation. I have, obviously, gotten pretty fired up and am just debating where to confront her. Anyone who has seen me mad knows you don't want to be on the receiving end. Anyway, it's a new year. Forgive me for not being all excited about how much better this year is going to be and all those platitudes, but I've been through this before. 2005 was supposed to be "so much better" after the first surgery. Once bitten, twice shy. I'm not going to get excited until I feel better and can do more. Not pessimistic, just being realistic. So, for those few of you who still check this, I hope that you are all off to a good start and recovering after the holidays. More next week, Laurie