Mom is dying, 2nd post

 Sorry, too tired to come up with spiffy title.

Went to bed at the very reasonable hour (for me) of 12:15 am, read for 15 mins, up at 9:00 feeling much better and vowing to continue this schedule, if not getting to bed a little earlier. Spice was snuggled up against my left side when I woke, he is just the best kitty. I took him to Mom's again today, his 5th visit. She asked for him last week, she really wants him to curl up on her lap. So far it's no go, although in all fairness he still isn't comfortable enough to stay on my lap for long when we're over there. She enjoys watching him play, and the staff loves him. He greets everyone who comes in, rubs up against them, flops over to have his belly rubbed. I have a 'portable' litter box for him which zips up like a suitcase to contain the litter, plus his dry food & water, several toys, including the catnip banana. And it means he's not alone for 10 hours a day, which he doesn't like. Only problem is he hates the car rides to and from. 

Mom was worse today, sleeping more. Her speech was softer and even more difficult to understand. She also likes to keep one of the Muzak channels on, so it's even harder to hear her. She said to me today that there is no reason for me to come over and sit for hours if she's just going to sleep. This gives me permission to come & go more, but I told her that I think it's worth my being there for 'just in case', and because I think that she's declining quickly enough that she may die more quickly than anticipated. She says she's ok being alone & dying, which is good because ultimately it is the one thing you have to do alone. But if possible I'd like to be there. 

She had some lower back pain this afternoon, and asked if she should walk around. I encouraged that, as she's either in bed or in the recliner. Had her bend forward several times in her chair to get her lower back muscles stretched out. She walked around the apartment a couple times with an aide, it's obvious why she's ready to die when you watch her, it's clearly tortuous. Difficulty getting started with the Parkinson's (typical), trouble placing her feet correctly, shuffling footsteps, and so incredibly short and bent over. 

She only had one piece of candy today. Brought her a gel to keep her mouth moist, and she liked it, but may not be able to coordinate flipping the cap up & squeezing it into her mouth by herself. Yes, something that simple is a struggle. She still finds things to worry about. Who will lead her graveside service if the couple she wanted is away still. Of course she asks what's going to happen next, meaning to her in the dying process. I'm as honest as possible, including that there isn't any way to know exactly what will happen when. 

To her credit she doesn't really complain, and she brings up all the things she's grateful that she doesn't have to do, like eat, brush her teeth, get dressed. It's so sad to think about those things most of us do without thinking are so laborious to her. I wish more people understood this as their parents age, maybe they'd stop forcing them to keep living if they saw the difficulties.

Got her ancient computer tower out, along with older printer & screen, took to Staples. Quietly took out several bags of clothes her friend had bagged up, took to Green Drop. I don't want anything else she can see to be removed, because she shouldn't feel as if we're trying to hurry her along. But the computer area is so dusty that it flared my asthma, and she understood that. 

Mostly, she just slept. Tomorrow the social worker has first visit, although don't think they'll be much they can do to help. She'd like her hair washed, so hopefully their aide has something which can be used in the chair or bed, because she's too weak for the shower. She's only wearing nightgowns, I brought over several she had previously turned over to me plus a couple other ones so there is always a fresh supply.

I left notes for the aides who are there to call me if her breathing changes, if it becomes very slow, gasping or gurgling. I think it's still a few days away, but figured better to start getting them trained early rather than late. Technically she's in 'Personal Care', because if it was Assisted Living they would have to have more nursing coverage. Most of the aides are wonderful, she's not happy that it's the male aide she doesn't like as much who is on the current evening rotation. She's been in PC for 5 years now, has lived in Wesley for almost 19 yrs. 

So, progressing towards death faster than I'd anticipated. My guess a few days ago was 2 weeks, but thinking now it may be only 5-7 days. 

It's after 9:45, I want some down time watching stupid TV with Spice on my lap, then to get to bed by midnight. I managed 10 mins of yoga this morning, and need to go back to that regularly. My cleaning guys come for the first time in over a month, they'll just have to clean around the messes. As I type Spice is happily batting one of his favorite things around--a ping-pong ball. Super light, skitters across the floor, he chases after it until bored or a fur mouse or other toy distracts him. No one can believe he's at least 10-11 yrs old. Once Mom is gone I'll try again to find a companion for him. We both miss his sister Sugar.