April 9: No more bad news
As usual, apologies. Tom mentioned recently it had been quite some time since the last post.
Life moves on, as it always does. Haven't heard from Joanne, so hope everything stable. Susan has the usual massive amount of paperwork a death entails, made even more difficult by needing to cope with everything in Italy. It will be at least a year before things are relatively settled, to which I questioned 'What do people who only have that one income do?' Even more heartbreaking is that Fabio's sister died of a rapidly moving leukemia about 18 months ago, so Susan's in-laws are dealing with the loss of both their adult children in a very short time frame--not that it would be easier with any amount of time in between.
The friend with aggressive breast cancer is doing spectacularly well right now. She's amazing.
Eileen is doing well, much to the chagrin of some of Sean's family who feel that she isn't mourning enough. Well, she still has to work and function, so she doesn't have the luxury of running around in sackcloth and ashes. She's gotten through a lot of the most difficult stuff: the funeral was well executed and very well attended. There are still questions about why, but that often can't be answered to anyone's real satisfaction in these situations. She went to the place he did it, and just a couple days ago actually sat in his car after it's professional cleaning. It was her choice to do these things on her own, although of course she had multiple offers of support. She is awaiting the autopsy report, apparently 'just' the death certificate isn't enough for some agencies (?!) and asked me to read it before she did just to assure there weren't any surprises. She has also moved out of their house into a lovely apartment that will require much less upkeep.
My life has been relatively busy. Still coping with house stuff. I'm not a great housekeeper under the best circumstances, and so still disorganized. When I feel well there are so many more interesting things to do than figure out where to put stuff! And when I'm not feeling well it just seems too overwhelming.
So many times in a week, even a day, I am so glad I moved to Phoenixville and this house. Only having one floor makes getting around so much easier if it's a bad day, although the basement is awesome for storage. Saturday I walked down to 'center' Pville to meet Gael and a couple other friends for a live performance at Steel City, a fairly well known coffee house that supports new singers. Jim Boggia isn't new, fortunately he likes SC and comes there a few times a year. On my way, I heard several 20 somethings happily announcing that their friend had just gotten engaged. As I got closer they included me in their excitement, the young lady happily showed me her ring and her fiancee took congratulations on his choice. It wasn't a big deal, but I just love living in a place that has that kind of small town camaraderie in addition to fun things to do.
My major stressor now is something I haven't talked about, because I don't know exactly who still reads this. It's my job. So many people tell me frequently how lucky I am that my job gives me health insurance even though I don't work full time. None of the people who tell me about my luck are the ones who work with me, because they see how hard I work, even when not feeling well. Additionally, back when I was still rounding in the hospital I significantly increased the number of doctors who referred their patients to us, and all those patients are still in the practice, which means I've paid for my salary and benefits many times over. My bosses demands are almost constant, made more difficult by the fact that they expect more from me than many others. I bend over backwards, always go the extra mile and am the only PA willing to do on call, planning my schedule around being available for them almost a year in advance. The point of all this: I truly believe they get their money's worth from me. But of late the head doctor, always my biggest supporter, has been hounding me about going back to rounding in the hospital on the Fridays I don't work. His point, which is true, is that being away from the hospital has made me less up-to-date when taking calls from the hospital. He doesn't seem to get how exhausted I am, even from a day in the office, and how long it takes me to recover when I get overly tired. But being in the hospital would be much worse. And then there is the massive increase in drug resistant infections, contracting one of these could either kill me or cause enough damage to need another heart surgery. Frankly, that idea terrifies me. I'm still getting over a bronchitis from almost two weeks ago. While I look very healthy, the reality is that I function in a very delicately balanced state, and it doesn't take much to throw me off.
There aren't any easy answers here, and the situation is much more complicated then I want to get into. But, since this is supposed to be my forum for venting and giving the personal side of coping with a chronic illness, it seemed appropriate to mention it, because it is a huge issue for me with multiple ramifications to every area of my life. It's a major stressor that is now affecting me almost every hour of the day. There needs to be a sit-down meeting and I'm just dreading it.
On a brighter note, BeadFest is this weekend. It's the one luxury I still allow myself, spending more than I should, but it gives me such pleasure to take classes and learn to do more skills. What I need to do is find a good outlet for selling these treasures I make.
Thanks for checking in, Laurie
Life moves on, as it always does. Haven't heard from Joanne, so hope everything stable. Susan has the usual massive amount of paperwork a death entails, made even more difficult by needing to cope with everything in Italy. It will be at least a year before things are relatively settled, to which I questioned 'What do people who only have that one income do?' Even more heartbreaking is that Fabio's sister died of a rapidly moving leukemia about 18 months ago, so Susan's in-laws are dealing with the loss of both their adult children in a very short time frame--not that it would be easier with any amount of time in between.
The friend with aggressive breast cancer is doing spectacularly well right now. She's amazing.
Eileen is doing well, much to the chagrin of some of Sean's family who feel that she isn't mourning enough. Well, she still has to work and function, so she doesn't have the luxury of running around in sackcloth and ashes. She's gotten through a lot of the most difficult stuff: the funeral was well executed and very well attended. There are still questions about why, but that often can't be answered to anyone's real satisfaction in these situations. She went to the place he did it, and just a couple days ago actually sat in his car after it's professional cleaning. It was her choice to do these things on her own, although of course she had multiple offers of support. She is awaiting the autopsy report, apparently 'just' the death certificate isn't enough for some agencies (?!) and asked me to read it before she did just to assure there weren't any surprises. She has also moved out of their house into a lovely apartment that will require much less upkeep.
My life has been relatively busy. Still coping with house stuff. I'm not a great housekeeper under the best circumstances, and so still disorganized. When I feel well there are so many more interesting things to do than figure out where to put stuff! And when I'm not feeling well it just seems too overwhelming.
So many times in a week, even a day, I am so glad I moved to Phoenixville and this house. Only having one floor makes getting around so much easier if it's a bad day, although the basement is awesome for storage. Saturday I walked down to 'center' Pville to meet Gael and a couple other friends for a live performance at Steel City, a fairly well known coffee house that supports new singers. Jim Boggia isn't new, fortunately he likes SC and comes there a few times a year. On my way, I heard several 20 somethings happily announcing that their friend had just gotten engaged. As I got closer they included me in their excitement, the young lady happily showed me her ring and her fiancee took congratulations on his choice. It wasn't a big deal, but I just love living in a place that has that kind of small town camaraderie in addition to fun things to do.
My major stressor now is something I haven't talked about, because I don't know exactly who still reads this. It's my job. So many people tell me frequently how lucky I am that my job gives me health insurance even though I don't work full time. None of the people who tell me about my luck are the ones who work with me, because they see how hard I work, even when not feeling well. Additionally, back when I was still rounding in the hospital I significantly increased the number of doctors who referred their patients to us, and all those patients are still in the practice, which means I've paid for my salary and benefits many times over. My bosses demands are almost constant, made more difficult by the fact that they expect more from me than many others. I bend over backwards, always go the extra mile and am the only PA willing to do on call, planning my schedule around being available for them almost a year in advance. The point of all this: I truly believe they get their money's worth from me. But of late the head doctor, always my biggest supporter, has been hounding me about going back to rounding in the hospital on the Fridays I don't work. His point, which is true, is that being away from the hospital has made me less up-to-date when taking calls from the hospital. He doesn't seem to get how exhausted I am, even from a day in the office, and how long it takes me to recover when I get overly tired. But being in the hospital would be much worse. And then there is the massive increase in drug resistant infections, contracting one of these could either kill me or cause enough damage to need another heart surgery. Frankly, that idea terrifies me. I'm still getting over a bronchitis from almost two weeks ago. While I look very healthy, the reality is that I function in a very delicately balanced state, and it doesn't take much to throw me off.
There aren't any easy answers here, and the situation is much more complicated then I want to get into. But, since this is supposed to be my forum for venting and giving the personal side of coping with a chronic illness, it seemed appropriate to mention it, because it is a huge issue for me with multiple ramifications to every area of my life. It's a major stressor that is now affecting me almost every hour of the day. There needs to be a sit-down meeting and I'm just dreading it.
On a brighter note, BeadFest is this weekend. It's the one luxury I still allow myself, spending more than I should, but it gives me such pleasure to take classes and learn to do more skills. What I need to do is find a good outlet for selling these treasures I make.
Thanks for checking in, Laurie
posted by Laurie @ 7:03 PM
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