Sept 29: General stuff

Writing this at work, not a literary masterpiece. Lots of starts and stops.

Nothing tremendously dramatic. This is good. The back door is being finished, needing to be divested of it's layers of paint before being hung, last night Nelson (handyman/light contracting work) got the holes drilled for the hinges and lock placement, cut the door to size with the help of a friend and put on a coat of paint over the primer. He's hoping to get it installed tonight. There is hopefully going to be a meeting of all involved with the windows on Friday night: salesman, Nelson, project manager, installer. The sales guy says it takes 4-6 weeks for the windows to come in, which puts us well into November--a little later than I was hoping.

The DF has been acting up again, not for any reason I can determine. This necessitated cutting back on my walks. On a really bright note I took a yoga class on Thursday. It's at a new place only a mile and a half away from my house, run by a woman from a UU Fellowship which is closer, so nice people. Gael has developed a whole other system of yoga, knows many different disciplines. I took a one hour 'introductory' class with her a couple weeks ago and really liked her manner, she has a lovely aura about her. I missed the first class in this session because of the patient who coded, so last Thursday was my first time with her. Much to both of our surprise, no one else showed up, so I had her entirely to myself for an hour and a half! She was wonderful about adjusting positions and showing me different ways of doing things to accommodate my (multiple!) issues. I left feeling fabulous and really looking forward to tomorrow's session.

Last Thursday I also got my flu shot and then had the side effects 36 hours later, which is standard for me. Getting the reaction is actually a good sign, because it means you are developing lots of antibodies, but it pretty much wrecked my weekend. Still vastly better than getting the flu without the protection.

Runner-up for Most Stupid Person: Stress test patient on Friday, has had three prior tests, just routine. She's a nurse. On treadmill after usual instructions, now in Level 3 at 8 mins, 10 secs. The next increase will be at 9 mins.

Pt: I'm getting more short of breath and I'll need to stop soon.

Me: OK, do you think you could continue for 45 more seconds?

Pt: I don't know. How much longer would that be?



Winner of Stupid Person for that week: 61 yr old, looks 15 yrs older. Smokes 1 pack/day. In for work-up after passing out.

Me: How much alcohol do you drink in a day/week? (standard question)

Pt: Oh, I don't drink at all anymore. I used to drink a lot, but I stopped all that whiskey and stuff about 5 years ago. I used to pass out when I was drinking.

Me: Were you drinking when you passed out this last time? (Just a hunch....)

Pt: Oh no, I told you, I quit 5 yrs ago. I'd just had a few beers.

Me: How many?

Pt: Hard to say.....

Me: A 6-pack? 2? (Always best to guess high, then they correct you. Except....)

Pt: I guess at least 2 by then.

Me: So...How many cases a week? One? Two?


Pt: Usually at least three. But I told you, I gave up the real drinking.


Honestly, you just can't make this stuff up.

On a more serious note: My 'save' from two weeks ago died at 2am. He came off the ventilator and was speaking full cogent sentences yesterday morning. Then something went wrong. He went into arrest again. He was conscious after this for a few hours, back on the ventilator. But then after midnight everything just caught up to him. His kidneys were failing, he couldn't have dialysis because his BP was too low, massive fluid build-up. The wife was rather prosaic when ML talked to her: "How many lives does one person get? He's gone through an awful lot of them." Was anything good accomplished by his being alive for two more weeks? I don't know. It's always nice to make a difference, feel that something like this was for a reason. But maybe sometimes stuff just happens. Maybe there is someone else who has been affected by this. Who knows?

Deeper stuff another time. Thanks for checking, Laurie

Sept 21: My record holds

Thanks to all for their comments. My happiness and excitement was not for the validation as praise, but in taking what I learned during my difficult experiences and turning it into something positive for someone else. Also that you never know when a few words from you will make an indelible impact on someone else's life. As Carol says, you never know if just smiling at someone will be the highlight of their day.

And having an ER doc who will give a permission to go or stay: way cool. It is so wonderful the health care profession is opening up more in the recognition that not everything occurs to a patient can be monitored on a screen.

I'm watching something on the DVR from several months ago: Michael Fox's documentary on optimism. He has some wonderful viewpoints, is very funny, has a lot of great things to say in a very down-to-earth manner. It occurs to me, however, that it's a lot easier to stay consistently positive when you don't have to worry about finances, which he doesn't.

The last week has been filled with life's typical dramas. My ex-tenant has been officially evicted, is still a resident of the county jail. His arraignment has been delayed for another two plus weeks, which really drags the agony out for GF. I'm afraid that since it was a non-violent crime he won't serve much time. In any case, she has made great strides in cleaning out the apartment, although some large things remain. The excellent news from my standpoint is that things are moving along very well with the gal who wanted to move in before, now coping with the inevitable county red tape since that is where her housing allowance comes from. Best case scenario would be her moving in October 15, but November 1 is still going to be great.

My back door is still nailed shut, but a replacement is now in my garage having been found at a salvage place. It's going to need a lot of refinishing, but hoping to get it up this weekend.

Still finding myself a little jumpy about security, not lessened by finding a few women on my yard yesterday morning looking down at a purse with it's contents spilled all over. Turns out there has been a rash of car burglaries recently and last night was my street's turn. Probably teens, they just go up a street finding who has left their car doors open and then take money, electronics, etc. When the police arrived they said it was the third call from my street. I'm glad to have a garage.

No lead in my pipes! No lead in my blood!

Still awaiting the window guy to come back so these things can be replaced before it gets colder.

Major drama in the office on Thursday. A 78 yr old man, not in great health, was sent over from a routine office visit to have a routine echo. During the echo he went into arrest. I was just finishing a rare, late afternoon cup of coffee when the wife burst out of the room yelling "Help! Help! Something's wrong with my husband!" The echo tech, always unflappable but now clearly stunned, looked up at me and said "He's not breathing...." He didn't have a pulse, either, she had been thrown briefly by the ECG continuing to show his pacemaker making his heart beat--it just wasn't perfusing. (We suspect a saddle pulmonary embolus, despite his being theraputically anticoagulated, as he arrested from one after hip surgery just last December.)

So, the usual: docs came, I intubated and defibrillated. For those of you in EMS this isn't a big deal, but in an office setting it just doesn't happen. I've been accused of being to blame, since this is now the third code in the office, and even more responsible after my post saying that the office was 'boring'. The ALS unit was wonderful--unfortunately that has not been the norm from that station--but these guys were fabulous. As I had positioned myself at the head and the code continued, I heard myself volunteer to start an EJ (IV in the neck). In my head a voice was screaming 'You haven't done that in at least 10 years--shut up!' While slightly messy and only using a 16g it was successful. Much to our collective surprise the patient has survived, although he has multiple major issues. He's still on a ventilator, needs drugs to keep his blood pressure up, heart function looks bad, coagulopathy, fever.... My initial reaction was that it would give his family a chance to say goodbye, maybe what he needs now is the permission to let go.

My bosses have stood by me through a lot, it feels good to justify their keeping me around. But my overwhelming emotion has been that of gratitude. We've all heard older people talk about when they were young, what they accomplished. It's their way of telling us that they weren't always helpless, dependent on other people for even basic daily needs. When I was faced with my physical deterioration at an earlier age than most I found that it was also my way of reminding myself of life before my helplessness and dependency. This has been part of the struggle: adjusting to a body that controls what I can and can't do, giving up things I had so enjoyed, learning to change expectations for the rest of my life. As I've mentioned many times, what hurt the most was having to stop running as a paramedic. It was always something that felt like my true calling, where I felt the most comfortable. But in those 15-20 minutes of running the code, especially an initially successful one, it gave me a chance to rewind time, to travel back to my 'glory days'. How many people get a chance to do that? The last six and a half years were--temporarily--erased. It was the most fabulous high; I was giddy for hours. And very, very grateful for the flashback experience.

Regarding the post title: Patients come in all the time worried about dying during their stress test. Someone has told them that their neighbor's dogwalker's hairdresser's cousin's brother died during their test. Despite the statistics of stress tests safety (1 in 5,000 MI, 1 in 10,000 death) they remain unconvinced that we aren't going to cause their demise. So my reassurance has been to tell them that in the 18,000+ stress tests I've performed (seriously--it's been 15 years) that all my patients have left with a pulse. Not mentioned is that some leave on stretchers and a couple have left not breathing. While this patient was not a stress test patient, my record holds for all patients leaving my office with a pulse and blood pressure. The explanation for which is the immediate treatment given, as opposed to an arrest at home, and not addressing at all any Diety or master plan.

Thanks for checking in, Laurie

Sept 13: A wonderful conversation

After the excitement of my years as a paramedic, and then the occasional critical situation in the hospital, being in the office all the time is pretty boring. There's rarely anything going on besides office squabbles and politics. It's often frustrating to me because I'm never sure if my presence really makes a difference. And if it does, it's in small ways that any of the other PAs or doctors could accomplish: patient education, filling out disability forms, calming patients. Nothing dramatic. This, of course, is why I'm physically able to work as it's much easier in the confines of an office than running around the much larger hospital spaces all day. But do I really affect any one's life in a significant way? Do I really have any positive influence on anyone?

Tonight I got an answer.

When leaving on Mondays I always check out with Dr. G as he often likes me to do a few hours on call for him. This afternoon he was in a particular funk because his afternoon schedule was full and he has office hours this evening, which meant very little time in between. The man's a bundle of energy, but he is 65 years old. So I didn't mind when he asked me to help with some patient call-backs, which a lot of time the office staff does. The one which was going to take the longest, and some expertise, was a short-term disability form for a patient.

G told me about his case: he had a mitral valve repair in June which had complications. The patient had to be re-intubated (breathing tube), on a ventilator for a couple days. Developed a complication which lead to such severe swelling that he lost the use of his right arm, for which he is now undergoing physical therapy and progressing nicely. I glanced back through the chart and saw that I'd done his stress test in February, and had made a couple notes to jog my memory. He's only four years older than me and was happy to talk to someone who would tell him what it was really like, what to expect. For reference let's refer to him as 'Leo'.

Leo was really worried about waking up intubated as a friend of his had significant problems with this, had to have his hands and arms tied down because in his confused state he kept trying to pull the tube out. I answered honestly and said that waking up on the vent really stunk. You feel like you're breathing through a straw, like you aren't getting enough air. It's scary and uncomfortable, in addition to the pain from the surgery, plus the post bypass/anesthesia confusion. My advice was this: try to relax, let the machine do the work, don't fight it. The tube is in because you need it and as soon as you don't they'll take it out.

I called Leo, discussed what he needed for the form, when he thought he'd be able to return to work. As soon as that was done, Leo said "I'm really glad it's you that called me, I've been wanting to talk to you. Do you remember talking with me about being intubated?" For a change I actually did have a recollection, also jogged by my notes in the chart. Leo continued: "I didn't remember being intubated after the surgery, but then they had to put it back in while I was awake. The doctor was really nice, explained everything. But as soon as they put it (the tube) in I felt worse, it was bad. Then all of a sudden I heard your voice in my head, it was like you were right there. I heard you telling me to relax, not to fight, that I needed it right then. I just heard your voice, over and over, repeating that conversation. Relax, don't fight it. They kept telling me how well I was doing, and I just kept thinking that it wasn't me, it was because of you. You were the reason I was doing well. And I've been wanting to thank you, you helped me so much, you made such a difference to me."

Not surprisingly I was fighting back tears. He kept thanking me, and my response was that he couldn't know how much it meant to me to hear that I'd helped him that much.

Patient education is so important, but my general comments aren't anything that someone else couldn't also say. But this, this was something that few people could have done, and no one in my practice or at the hospital could have said with authority. For this man, at the scariest hours of his life, it was me that made the difference. This is the kind of thing that makes what I went through more bearable, it lets me know why I'm still here. This conversation serves to remind me that despite the lack of drama, the boring routine, that there really are times when my being there is the best thing for that person.

How many other times do we say things to people and don't realize we've helped them? I sent up a prayer of thanks to the spirits for giving me the blessing of hearing something so wonderful, a much needed validation.

And yes, for those in the Small Group Ministry session on Friday, the use of that word is deliberate. It makes me wonder about the timing of our topic--serendipity hardly seems to totally explain.

Thanks for checking in, Laurie

Sept 12: Response to Richard

Dear Richard:

Not sure who you are, but that's OK. Thanks for signing your name.

There isn't any reading between the lines. This blog is my point of view, mostly about my surgeries and being someone who has a lifelong illness. But, at times, I've put in my views on religion/spirituality because that was part of how I coped with things.

Please go back and read the post again, because your obvious anger doesn't make sense based on what I wrote.

In summary:

1) Burning the Koran would only cause more violence towards our soldiers & country

2) Muslims have the right to worship in this country. Hopefully they will be sensitive enough to not build a mosque so near to Ground Zero

3) Our Founding Fathers were big fans of peace

You must not have been reading this blog for very long or you would know this about my beliefs:
1) I don't believe the Bible, either Old or New Testament, is the word of God. I've spent a lot of time learning about the origins of both, as well as the political climate around the time of Jesus and what happened in the first 100 years after his death, before coming to this conclusion.

2) I believe in what Jesus taught regarding how to treat other people. Christians who actually practice those beliefs are wonderful people, however they don't seem to be the ones getting media attention.

3) Any religion which demeans women is, to me, insulting.

4) I believe very deeply in a divine presence, something greater than ourselves. It is something to whom I pray, ask for guidance and strength from, on a daily basis. My spiritual practices would not be considered 'main stream', but they help me through the day, give me comfort and make me a better person. Isn't that what all religions should accomplish?

A longer posting on my beliefs is Jan 20 of this year. If you don't agree, that's OK. That's the beauty of America. But, as I say in another 9/11 post, it's my blog and I get to post what I want.

Laurie

Sept 11: Thoughts on the 9 year anniversary

To me it seems appropriate to comment on the religious aspect of the event this year, since the idiot pastor in Florida is getting so much attention. Oops, guess that spilled the beans on my feelings--what a surprise.


Islam is not a violent religion, although the Koran has more about violence and resistance than the New Testament. I emphasize the "new" part, because if you aren't aware, the Old Testament is full of violence, war and horrible acts towards other people. The part about killing infidels or non-believers is not a blanket statement to kill anyone who doesn't agree with them, but only if the infidels are trying to prevent you as a Muslim from worshipping. What the Islamic fundamentalists use to recruit new soldiers is the belief that America is trying to take away their religion. A lot of these guys are willing to die because they think we are trying to convert them to Christianity.

Burning the Koran is THE WORST possible protest, because it plays right into the insurgent leadership's propaganda. It doesn't matter what any other American says, what any diplomat proposes, how much are military does to build schools and feed them. The insurgents will play the image of Americans burning their Koran because they want to wipe out Islam. And that will be seen over and over as they convince more and more Muslims to join the 'jihad'.

To my view, the person who deserves the most credit is the Muslim leader who visited the pastor. To confront someone filled with so much prejudice and hate towards you takes a lot of courage. And, ironically, is probably what Jesus would actually have done.

For the record, I'm not open-minded enough to support the building of a mosque at Ground Zero. There are plenty of other places, even in Manhattan, where a cultural center to expand understanding can be built. Moderate Muslims should be sensitive enough to understand.


Our founders, who so many people claim to channel, understood the sacrifices of freedom and peace. The weather vane on Mount Vernon is a dove with an olive branch in it's mouth. The quote from George Washington: "Peace with all the world is my sincerest wish." (Aug 15, 1798) If only this anniversary, as well as the ones which will follow, could be used to find peaceful solutions, understand those who are different than us as we show them our wish for peaceful co-existence. To educate rather than annihilate. That is how those who died would be honored in the best way possible.

In Memoriam

The many victims of WTC Towers, NYC & the Pentagon

The Courageous passengers of Flight 93

Those who knowingly made the ultimate sacrifice

and

Those whose efforts then are leading to their deaths now

FDNY, NYPD and PAPD

NEVER FORGET

In hopes for peace in and for our country, as well as the world, Laurie

Sept 9: The legal saga

While I have not identified either my tenant or the GF by name, it has been pointed out that every accusation is, at this point, alleged. So I will not be able to post any details at this time.

The arraignment was today. He is still in jail. Next Thursday will be the determination of innocence or guilt (going absolutely blank on the name for this). Should TT be declared guilty then the sentencing would be in two weeks.

Following a guilty verdict, should there be one, I can then give a few more details.

Sorry to interrupt the soap opera, Laurie

Sept 6: As my world turns....

(Note: Certain parts have been edited out. You'll understand as you read.)

It's been a very eventful last five days. I keep wishing this was a soap opera that could be turned off. Of course it could be worse....

After writing the last post there was more information that evening. The tenant's girlfriend, who will now be referred to as GF, came to see me. She is the one who has paid the rent for the two months and TT(The Tenant) had told me that she was paying for September. Her opening comment was "He and I are no longer together." Since losing his first job here after coming up from Texas TT has been on a real downward spiral. While a couple weeks later he got a job as a waiter he doesn't like it as much as the first one. She says he's been _____ing a lot, hasn't picked up any of the bills he was supposed to after he started working, and a few other things. She broke up with him Sunday night, never knew about what happened regarding his argument or what happened to my door. She had given him most of the security deposit and was stunned when she read my eviction notice saying he had given me less than half of what was due.

I really like GF. She's got an MBA and works for a big corporation. She also has early onset Parkinson's and her jerking head and limbs were much worse than I've ever seen them. This is really taking a toll on her. We talked for over an hour. She completely agreed with my giving TT notice and told him that she would not pay another months rent, paying September so as not to be unfair to me.

I'd taken a personal day Wednesday to handle everything, had only told the office manager and her assistant. I'd begged the office manager to not say anything except to the big boss because I just didn't want to keep going over things and have to listen to people's well-meaning suggestions. Thursday I went to work, didn't let on that anything was amiss.

Friday I went out to an antique salvage place that had at least one door fairly close to my back door's measurements. Found a total of three doors that might work, which would save a lot of money in replacing it. This was a suggestion from the builder who came to evaluate the window situation, but got pulled into the more urgent issue. Friday night there was water in my closet again, even worse than two weeks ago. Something else on the upstairs toilet had broken. I called a different plumber who easily tightened a couple things and seemed to feel sorry enough for me that he only charged me $50 for a Friday night emergency call.

My blood test came back late Friday afternoon. Low normal amounts of lead. Still waiting for the water test to come back.

Saturday I'd decided that all I wanted to do was sit out on my back patio and read a book. Since the back door is nailed shut this requires going out the front door and walking to the back, making it less convenient. And my level of paranoia was such that I was locking the front door on my way out. Who knows when that lunatic would come back? And since at 2pm I was going on call there was only a narrow window of total relaxation. That lasted until I heard the doorbell ring through the window screen.

As I walked up the path there were two police cars visible, the officers already at my door and on my lawn. They asked for the tenant by his formal name, I directed them around to the other side of the house where the entrance is. They ascertained that I was the owner and he was the renter. I offered to get the keys for them and went into my area of the house. As I came back out the door a third police car pulled up. They were already talking to TT from the vestibule, so I backed away and sat on my front stoop. I called the GF and said "There are 3 cops here to see TT--what's going on? Did he do something?" Her reply was "I don't know. My mom woke me from a nap because there are 2 cops standing in my kitchen."

This can't be good. My vivid imagination took off with possibilities including robbery, assault, murder.... One of my neighbors came out of his house to see what was going on and I invited him over to help keep me from freaking out.

After about 15 mins (seemed longer) the cops came back, one left and the other two came over to me. "Am I allowed to ask now what's going on?" The first cop said that TT had apparently posted something on Facebook which caused someone to call and ask for them to check on his well being. (It turned out to be his mother in Texas.) Apparently he sounded suicidal, or worse. They assured me he seemed fine, no cause for concern but that I should call them immediately if I heard, saw or suspected anything.

Not particularly reassuring for a partially disabled woman living alone.

Another neighbor came over to see if I was alright. She gave me her phone number and urged me to call her or come over if there was anything she could do. The first neighbor (whose number I already have) left, and the second neighbor and I had a nice chat. It seems her daughter had a mechanical mitral valve replacement from rheumatic fever damage at 14 years old and at 21 is doing fine physically, but emotionally has ups and downs. I invited her to send her daughter over for a chat and support anytime.

Later that day I saw that my next door neighbor was home. A nice young couple, the loud motorcycles aren't too frequent. They were the ones who told the cops on Monday about TT argument, which made me feel better as there was an explanation and the attack didn't seem as random. She gave me both their cell phone numbers and also told me to call them anytime of day or night and to immediately come over if I was scared or felt threatened, which was very sweet.

I've now had more interaction with my immediate neighbors than I have over the last four years. While this wouldn't have been my choice in how to establish contact, it is a nice silver lining.

Saturday night my friend Christine came over to my house since I was on call and need to stay close to a fax machine. We ate dinner and watched a movie, which was a good distraction.

I decided that if TT's truck moved or he made noise at least once a day I didn't need to call anyone. I'm ashamed to admit that my concern was that he would kill himself in my apartment, causing a major mess and/or making the apartment impossible to rent again. Rather calloused, huh?

Sunday I went to Fellowship, stood up during joys and concerns and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. While seemingly fairly calm, the anxiety came out at night. I stayed up very late reading, still jumping at any noise.

This morning I heard the outside door open, it is right behind the wall in my bedroom and ends up being just on the other side of my pillow. It was after 9am, but with no commitments I decided to doze a while longer, which didn't make the fuzzy ones happy. At noon the GF called and asked to come over. Seems TT left Sunday morning while I was at Fellowship, in handcuffs and escorted by a couple police officers. He now has a new place to stay: Chester County Prison.
Who thought I could miss so much just by going to services?!

I hope that was as dramatic as possible. Please let me know. It would be a small comfort.

Edited version: GF claims that there are things missing from her house. It's more dramatic than that, but all that can be said now.

The noise I'd heard that morning was her coming back with one of the cops __ ______ ____She feels violated, stupid and really angry. She doesn't know what he's been spending the money on, my thought was drugs or gambling.

Because of the amount stolen (the current charges include) felony theft. This will (may)now be two felony crimes on his record since he already had a grand theft auto before. Should there be a guilty conviction he would serve time in prison.

Well, that's better than cleaning up a messy suicide.

Inspecting the apartment there is a hole through the wall in the living room which seems to be from a fist. There are several other holes or partial holes which are probably from furniture moving. It smells as if he's been smoking in the kitchen. Will certainly cost more than the paltry $225 security money he gave me.

Despite all this I'm pretty calm. There's nothing like seeing someone way worse off than you to put things into perspective. And the poor GF is out well over $_______ (it's a LOT of money)between rent, car payments and things stolen. The arraignment is this Thursday. This time I'm not rushing into anything---it's just not worth what I've gone through with these last two guys. I've already contacted the nice lady on disability. Her rent is mostly paid for through a county program and she's too affected by her fibromyalgia to be any sort of physical threat.

But the strain is showing. I'm still jumping at any sound, nervous, checking outside all the time. I needed this like another hole in my heart.

Stay tuned for the conclusion of the latest saga...... Laurie

Sept 1: Unpleasant home and tenant dealings

As any homeowner knows, it's always something with a house. And as anyone knows, things seem to come in clusters. And if it involves a house then it's generally an expensive cluster....

The windows in my kitchen and dining room section, which is 'L' shape, desperately need to be replaced. They are very old and very drafty. I spend a lot of time here, as a TV is mounted up in a corner of the dining room, so I do all my computer time at the dining room table in addition to all my scrapbooking, crystal stuff, etc. Most of the windows have large storm windows which don't come out, only a couple with screens. All of them are plain glass, which isn't very secure and easily broken. Since they are off the patio this has been a security concern. I picked Power Windows, knowing they were more expensive, but because their windows are top-rated for energy, have UV protection and are almost impossible to break. My dream has been a bay window in the DR, knowing that would increase expense but would help for re-sale. Well, this has turned into an issue because when the installer came out he discovered something strange in the structure. Long story short, this was an enclosed porch with windows up to the roof, and when they turned it into a room they merely took out the glass from the top panes, replaced with plywood, then put paneling with no insulation up over the rest of the windows. The ousdie they just plastered over. When Bidge re-did this room he didn't go under the paneling, just put drywall over and painted. No wonder the temperature is always an issue in here. So now it's going to take a building contractor to frame out the space for a new window, increase support (fortunately there isn't a second floor over this part) and insulate, also requiring re-drywalling and painting. I'm waiting for the estimate....

This may cancel out replacing the kitchen windows because of the cost. Added to that....

Noticed wetness in one of my clothing closets Friday before last. It ended up being the seal on the upstairs apartment toilet. The tenant claimed he thought the water was from the shower door. But contaminated water through the insulation, down into my closet. All the clothes and shoes have been removed and seem to be fine, the closet has been sprayed with bleach repeatedly and looks like no black mold. Now will have to be dealt with by using Kilz, repainting and etc.

While the plumber was here he informed me that he thinks the pipe coming in from the city water supply is lead. Awaiting water tests, have call in to the Borough. Will probably get a blood lead test done as well. Trying to avoid the expense of having a new line put in from the street, which would involved digging, etc. Fortunately more evidence is mounting that he's wrong, but still holding my breath.

Saved the worst for last. My friend Marilyn comes over and takes care of the cats when I'm away, I do the same for her. She, however, only has two and neither one of them is an attack cat like Chester, so I'm definitely getting the better part of the deal. She called me Monday night, which was my last night at Susan's, starting with the phrase "I really hate to tell you this, but someone tried to break into your house." She got there about 8pm and found the rear door partially kicked in with the glass broken. I told her to call the cops. They came, discovered there had been no actual entry, which is why the alarm system didn't go off. I don't have glass break alarms, but the doors are alarmed and motion detectors throughout. After the cops searched she entered and found Zerla and KC, who are in this section with timed food feeders (Chester and Tabitha in the other sections and porch with food out all the time) huddled and shaking down in the basement. She and the cops said I didn't need to come back that night (which would have been about 2 am) but ASAP the next day.

Arriving yesterday the damage to the door was worse than had been explained. Someone kicked it very hard, split the wood around the lock on the handle, the dead-bolt held on, but the wood splintered around that as well. On opening the door the entire lower part would bend, the glass was broken by the force of the kick. The cop told me he was amazed that the door held together: "They don't make them like that any more." It will have to be replaced, and because it's an odd size (of course) will need to be custom done, although will be a door cut down to size. This will cost me between $650-1,000. But that's nothing in comparison to my fear.

The cops were here, they spoke with the neighbors, and it seems that my tenant had a loud argument with a guy 2 nights before. The confrontation was in the street in front of my house, so the other guy would have known this is where my tenant lived, but not that it wasn't his house. Circumstantial evidence indicates that this guy probably came back, less than 24 hours after the argument, and vandalized what he thought was my tenant's house. But nothing that would allow charges to be pressed. No one is admitting to seeing or hearing anything, didn't enter so no fingerprints. He clearly wasn't going for burglary, because the windows could have been easily broken, and the two in the living room were open (they're newer).

So what do I do? I feel threatened and scared and vulnerable.

My tenant has not been perfect: didn't report the toilet issue before damage was done, is often loud at night and has woken me several times, lied to the cops on being questioned, and I've caught him in a couple 'fibs' as well in the last couple months. He's also never paid his full security deposit. I saw him driving on the street last week and he was very aggressive, ended up going the wrong way up a one way ramp to avoid traffic. The other concern that came out is he has a police record in Texas, did time for stealing a car--or that's all he's admitting. What if he gets into another confrontation with this guy up the street? What if this guy comes to my house again to settle the score? How much danger am I in? While the obvious solution is to evict him, how angry would he be? Would he lash out at me? Damage the apartment?

The last 24 hours have been full with many conversations, consults and suggestions from a lot of people: the cop from last night came out again to talk to me, Marilyn, my friend Rick, Bidge, the window and construction guy to name the major players. I'd been thinking of asking him to leave and would even be covered for serving him with a 5 day eviction because of the security deposit and other issues which are against the rental agreement. My decision was to give the tenant a 60 day notice as opposed to a 5-day eviction. This seemed the most fair as there is no direct evidence, and shouldn't make him as angry. With some trepidation as to his response I spoke with him this morning, gave him a written memo of breaking the lease with 60 days notice. While I told him that I'd felt that my best defense was listing all the issues the main issue was the argument with the guy up the street and what seemed to be the consequences. Totally unintentionally I started crying as I told him how scared and frightened it made me, that I didn't feel safe in my own home. He took it well, was upset, apologetic for any of his actions leading to the vandalism and admitted my giving him 2 months notice was more than fair. He said he understood how scared I was, and that there was cause. Bolstering my position was the rear door, which Rick had to secure with 3 inch screws around the frame in order for it to stay shut before being replaced, obviously making it unusable. The conversation went as well as it possibly could. I really don't think he's a bad guy, just doesn't always make the best decisions.

I'm still jumping at every sound, looking out the windows all the time. I slept with the alarm on last night, which is a pain because the door to my bedroom has to stay closed and even going to the bathroom could trigger, so have to push other doors close.

My plan is to take a walk up the street and talk to whomever I can, tell them he is a tenant, that kicking in the door had no effect on him and let them know he's been evicted. I'm counting on it getting around the street grapevine. To clarify: while most of the street is made up of houses like mine, the end closest to the cemetery is not as nice. Kind of run down, a lot of kids hanging out, loud cars...you get the picture. Since it looks like the damage to the door was retribution from the argument I'm hoping letting it be known that it didn't affect the tenant will deflect any potential violence towards me or the house. Everyone thinks that it's over and done, but I'd rather get it out there and avoid any further issues.

It's going to take time and an awful lot of money for this to be resolved. It could have happened to anyone else and been just as scary and nerve-wracking. But I needed all this like I needed another hole in my heart.

Will update a hopefully calmer, although expensive, follow-up to all this as things develop. Laurie

Sept 1: Virginia visit

Returned yesterday from a week spent visiting with Susan, my cousin who just moved back from Italy, and her daughter Emily. While I took my laptop down it was acting strangely with her hook-up. I could check mail and do a couple basic things on her laptop, but was thrown by the set-up of her keyboard, which is set up for European use. It has some different letters and symbols, which changes the set-up of the keyboard and kept me from typing with any speed, so elected to wait until home.

We had an action-packed week including a couple visits into Washington DC, going to Mt Vernon and the National Zoo. If you've never had the opportunity to visit the area it is really worth it, although the Zoo wasn't as great as some. But the new work done at Mt Vernon is just terrific. Going to the museums, which are supported by our tax dollars, is nice because you don't feel obligated to spend the entire day there as there is no admission fee. But you have to pay to get entrance into anything other than the displays, which is how they make their money. I went on my own to the National Art Gallery, found that about 5 hours was all I could physically take, also taking into account walking and using the Metro system. Emily, almost 14, came with me Monday and we explored the Natural Science Museum, which was just fabulous. Emily's favorite part was the collection of jewels, including the Hope Diamond. My favorite part was the live butterflies: you go into a room about 100 feet long by about 15 feet wide, filled with plants. Butterflies are flying all around, many more cocoons are there so the supply is replenished. Turns out they have a life expectancy of about two weeks. A couple landed on each of us, and it was wonderful to have them fluttering around us. It also turned out that they had some nice minerals and stones for sale in the shop, made much more reasonable by my being a member of Smithsonian and getting a 20% discount. It enabled me to add to my crystal collection, which I continue to use for crystal healing and therapy, although haven't done anything interesting of late.

Emily is preparing to start 9th grade next week and is understandably stressed out. Starting high school is bad enough, but this is a new school in a new country with a language that she speaks well but has never had to deal with classes like math and science. And she doesn't know anyone. We are all trying to reassure her that she'll adjust quickly and make friends, but that doesn't make it less scary.

I continue to be pleased with my endurance, although it's helped by resting frequently. Slow and steady wins the race, so in addition to my zebra status as a medical case I also seem to have become a turtle as well. Isn't that a bizarre combo?!

The visit was marred by news from home at the end......See next post.

Thanks for checking in, Laurie