Laurie's Heart Update

Wednesday, January 06, 2010

Jan 6: I may be repressing?

Didn't sleep well last night, not sure why.

Stomach off all day, nothing specific.

Zerla is definitely walking better!

Michael's surgery is tomorrow, and I'm totally comfortable about where he is (Cleveland Clinic) and how great he's going to do.

Took six sticks, combining fingers and toes, to get enough blood for my home INR test. It makes no sense, because it was on the high side (4.0, supposed to be 3.0-3.5). So now I've got 6 small round bandaids stuck on fingers and toes. The fingers hurt, but my feet were too cold, only tried twice. I hate sticking my fingers, because they hurt afterwards. (FYI: more blood needed for this than checking blood sugar.)

Got a lot of stuff done on the poster boards for Martha's memorial. Two out of six done (except for dates, notations, etc.). Then started on the middle two, which begin with John and her marriage. I used two of the colors from her bouquet to accent, added some hearts, put their photo in the center, 5 x 7, then surrounded it with a few other shots: in a line up with her family, with her BFFs (and they have been), her father walking her down the aisle, her mother helping with her hair. It takes up about a quarter of one board. Then I lettered it with pretty cut outs (my handwriting is NOT the best!). After all this I stood back and surveyed the results with pride, because it really looks nice. Martha always raved about my scrapbooking. And my first thought was "Martha is SO going to love this!" And then it hit me that she isn't going to see it, that this was because she's dead, and I just started sobbing. Because it's still so unreal. She is so vibrant in the pictures, so alive. But she's not.

This just sucks.

Maybe if my stomach stays off I'll lose a couple pounds. There has to be a silver lining here somewhere.

Now late, have to get to bed. Work full day again tomorrow, try to finish up the boards, leave Friday morning for NY. Have to check with John to be sure Lyle and Emma both have appropriate clothes for the funeral. Lyle got a really nice shirt from a grandparent for Christmas, John turned to me and said quietly "Well, at least I know he's got a nice shirt for the funeral." Emma should have gotten a dress when shopping with her cousins from New Zealand--everything is so expensive there that they go wild with shopping when here.

Maybe if I really let lose and cry myself to sleep my stomach won't bother me tomorrow. Or I could have horribly swollen eyes and still have an upset stomach. Decisions, decisions.

May not be able to post for a few days, or may use this venue to vent.

Thanks for checking, in any case. Laurie

5 Comments:

  • At 10:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Remember to celebrate the life she lived and try not to reflect on her death. She is now at peace.

     
  • At 5:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Laurie,

    just fyi, Martha can see your boards, she is looking down and glowing seeing all the outflow of love.!

    Michael & Jenn in my thoughts and prayers.

    you and Martha's family are in my thoughts and prayers

    Deneen

     
  • At 11:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Laurie,

    I am glad to hear your friend Micheal seems on schedule for his recovery. glad things going well

    Deneen

     
  • At 6:24 AM, Blogger Michael Kahn said…

    Laurie,

    Hugs (gentle ones mediated by a kitschy heart pillow). Keep on keepin' on and remember that we all love you.

    Deneen, thank you so much your posts on my blog, it means a great deal. :-)))))))

    Michael

     
  • At 7:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Laurie,

    jan 13th - where are you??????? not posts, no words, no loving.

    Deneen

     

Post a Comment

<< Home