April 4: It was going to be short....

Busy day today. Gave a three hour lecture at the PCOM PA program. That isn't a big deal, except the course co-ordinator and I had mixed signals about the content. I thought it was a 3-hour lecture on ECGs that I had already prepared and given other years, he planned on something else. We discovered this Tuesday (when I finally read the paperwork he had sent a month before!), so only had a couple days to prepare for it, and worked full days Weds and Thurs. Content and lecture slides for a 3 hour presentation are time consuming, despite my ability to talk (seemingly) endlessly. Also involved lots of examples of testing, i.e. cardiac caths, echoes, TEEs. And there is something wrong with either their tape player or my tapes, but they didn't work last week. So I was begging one of the echo techs (the other tech isn't speaking to me, but that's a WHOLE different story!) and did get three studies on a disc, which was better than none. And I found one cardiac cath on disc that showed a patient's blockage and then the stenting (opening up). But, with only a couple things and a fast approaching deadline, I used the most logical available thing: my own studies. I don't like to do that and make it "all about me", but it does solve one issue that exists with all the other studies: the patient's names are on them. No way to get them off, especially when I'm begging for them from other people. So, at least using my own studies means that I'm not breaking HIPPA (or whatever the dumb initials are for the privacy act are!) Silver lining. I guess it could also be categorized as "If you've got it, flaunt it", although somehow I doubt that was the original intent of the saying.

Next came a fun-filled appointment with my tax guy. Well, the fun part comes when he tells me how much my refund will be. Getting ready for the appointment was the excrutiating part. I went through A LOT of money last year. Two mortgages, two home equity loans, only one apartment rented while the renovations were being done, renovations being way more than expected (but aren't they always?), moving costs, new appliances; it all added up to a huge number which I was just dreading actually seeing. So, since it was going to be most unpleasant, I kept delaying doing my yearly ledger of expenses and finances (yes, I'm that anal!) because the number was just going to be terrible. But hey, on the bright side, my medical expenses will get me some money back. That's what happens when those add up to $6,000!!! Yes, I'm totally serious. Four flights to and from Boston plus all the hotel bills, including one for three weeks around the actual surgery, food, taxis, parking lot charges, and then the usual co-pays and medicines. Well, it's the last time.

Then went to Mom's in Doylestown, napped there, ate and went to my Small Group Ministry, which is always enjoyable. There is a very nice woman in our group who is about 10 years younger than me and is dealing with unbelivable family problems: two children with rare diseases who require feeding tubes and are special needs, two other children who need attention as well and a husband who is hearing impaired. She battles regularly with the County, State and Federal governments for support. While overwhelmed, she has a great attitude. She also serves as a reminder that as crappy as I feel sometimes there are many others who are much worse off than I am.

Coming back on the PA Turnpike there was a sudden stoppage of traffic. Stopped fully, nothing on KYW, slowly crawled after about 15 mins. Then the reason came into view: A car hanging up on the concrete seperator. Rather impressive. There were a few cars pulled over as well, and some activity. Both front airbags deployed, seats both empty, and I proceeded along without stopping while hoping no one was paying attention to the paramedic sticker on my rear windowshield. I then had a major guilt attack about not stopping, which is certainly what I would have done a few years ago "before sick". So the next several miles were spent rationalizing to myself why NOT stopping was the right thing to do: single female, at night with a bad heart, weak and damaged chest, on blood thinners, busy highway. Clearly the right decision to not stop and offer help; plus I stopped carrying my emergency bag a few years ago. But, believe it or not, it was still very hard for me. Because it is so different from what I did for 25 years and it's still difficult to accept that that part of my life is completely over.

Yeah, yeah, I know. "Concentrate on the positive!" Happy bunnyland crap.

So, I continued home to feed four very hungry cats, and now I'm supposed to be getting ready for bed. Guess I shouldn't have had that ice cream....

More later, Laurie

P.S. No, I'm not giving any credence to the "whining book" comment. Actually, I kind of enjoyed answering back. Proves that I can still dish it out when challenged!