January 23/24: Milestone

In January, 2004, I missed celebrating my 41rst birthday in Egypt by just one day. My initial echocardiogram and diagnosis were less than a month later.

In the last four years I've had so much taken away from me: my future plans, my financial security, many number of hopes and dreams, my ability to climb stairs without a debat on if it's truly necessary. I've had my chest cracked open four times, my heart stopped five times, and have been "dead" for over 10 hours. I've heard diagnoses than no one ever thinks will be directed at them. I've heard the words "If this third surgery doesn't work the only other thing to do will be a heart transplant."

In my days as a paramedic I was infamous (really!) for having more cardiac arrest patients than any other medic. This lead to my nickname of "The Grim Reaper". I prefered to think of it as delaying his task for a while longer. During some of my darkest moments, I asked him to extend the courtesy to me--for old time's sake.

In a little over an hour, it will be January 24th. I will be 45 years old. Under the circumstances, it's quite an accomplishment. Life is different now and I'm still adjusting. I'd like to think that I still have work to do here, others to help, before the time when God decides there was enough of an extension.

I just sent an e-mail to Dr. Cohn. "January 24 is my birthday. I'm turning 45. Thanks for making that possible." Yes, I am capable of being brief.

Off to sleep--temporarily, not the final one. Laurie

Jan 8:

Did "on call" last night for one of my bosses. Therefore, slept late and barely got anything accomplished today. Gave myself a stern lecture on how this has to stop. Sigh. But I LIKE not leaving the house all day. And I did do my walking: 45 mins and over 1.5 miles. I seem to be able to do it twice a week, but rarely get in a third time, which I really wanted to do. Spent the last several hours finally doing the monthly ledger for 2007 expenses. Yes, an actual ledger. Of course, if I did it monthly it would be a lot easier than doing it all at once. But it really works well to keep track of expenses, and this year taxes are going to be difficult between medical and selling the other house.

Did I mention that my local cardiologist took me off the Coreg (beta blocker)? I think I was waiting to see how things went. Well, the happy news is: better. We did a stress echo at my appointment Dec 21, and my heart rate wasn't going up, which is part of what has continued to make me feel tired. While I still get tired it seems better. I'm not lasting until about 3:30 on days in the office before I start to feel really badly. First it's the headache, then a wave of exhaustion, then the nausea. Of course, by that time things are hurting more and I just can't wait to get home and lie down on my wonderful couch. But I'm recovering faster than before--now after about an hour or so I can get up and function. Slow improvements.

The real test will come in late February and early March. Carrie, one of the other PAs, is getting married March 1, so she's taking off three days before and then two weeks after. I've promised to work full time for that timeframe, so that will be the test of whether or not I can increase my hours. Also working on other things in the office. We're going to start a "pacemaker clinic" with me doing the pacemaker and defibrillator checks. It's good because it gives me more knowledge, and the electrical system is getting a lot of attention right now. And it is in the office, which is really great.

Although I really miss being in the hospitals and seeing everyone, especially at DCMH. Being there for a few days over the holidays was great, visiting and catching up. Many people didn't know that I had a third heart surgery. Vast numbers of people who don't know the details of my continuing medical saga. Can you believe the nerve of some people?

I've always worn a lot of turtlenecks and high neck sweaters and such, but the scar comes up so high now that it is visible without a higher neckline. Before I felt the need to hide it, but now it's just there. There's still too much of a seperation in the sternum underneath, which still hurts. There are so many pillows in my bed, in addition to the wedge, that it looks like another body is underall the covers. Chester loves it, however. It's like his own soft fort to hunker down in. There's a daily fight with Tabitha over who gets the best spot when I settle down for the night. It depends on how much tossing and turning there is, however, so the "best spot" can be very subjective. Zerla won't come up on the bed until it's really cold, and KC not at all. Although he has some other spot in the bedroom figured out, because he emerges from one side when we get up at 6:30 for work days.

Major book recommendation: Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert. Love it so much that after I finished it I started re-reading it again. Yup, it's that good.

Well, time to get ready for bed. Although I don't have to wash my face again!

Thanks for checking in, Laurie