Oct 29: Working & Breaking up a Marriage

Meant to post last night, but needed to get to bed. I take energy when it comes, so don't always get to stick to my initial plans. Fairly boring last week and weekend, although the pain is lessening: Thank God!! Still present, still very restricted, but now doesn't hurt constantly. Still hurts with deep breathing, coughing, sneezing, laughing, etc. By early afternoon there is a discomfort, and by mid-afternoon has progressed to pain, but now have mornings without pain. Still tired, exhausted when come home and go straight to the couch after feeding the complaining kitties.

My friend Chrissy (from work) came over yesterday to help with changing the bed and laundry, which are things that are still very difficult. Last time I changed the sheets I was in pretty bad pain for hours and needed to take a pain pill, which I rarely do. She was here for several hours, we were chatting away while the laundry was running. Changed over to my "winter" bedspread, which meant changing the dustruffle, etc, washing the quilt, switching sheets around. Four loads of laundry (or was it five?) because I was trying to hold out until someone could help me.

Chrissy's son Patrick called at one point, and she asked him to remind his father that she was over at my house helping me with laundry and stuff. About an hour later her husband, Michael, started calling her. And calling her. And calling her. Every 15 minutes or so with really petty stuff. This isn't like Michael. He is one of those truly evolved men who cooks and does the housekeeping, great guy. He just adores her. But after multiple stupid phone calls Chrissy was getting pretty ticked off. So when she left my house, she called him at her daughter's to yell at him. Her daughter answered the phone, here is the conversation:

Chrissy: Hi. Put your father on the phone.

Daughter: Mom, he's really upset.

Chrissy: Why? Did he forget I had a meeting to go to tonight?

Daughter: No, he thinks you're having an affair.

Chrissy: WHAT? Who does he think I'm having an affair with?

Daughter: He doesn't know, he just knows you're lying to him about where you are.

Chrissy: WHAT!! I've been over at Laurie's doing her laundry for her!

Daughter: Mom--you, doing laundry? No one believes that. That's why he's sure you're covering something up.

Just another example that you never know how your illness is going to affect those around you....

Thanks for checking, Laurie

Oct 21: quick one

Thought about writing several times this weekend, but kept putting it off. Now it's past bedtime! I'm on call for Gladstone until 12M anyway, so never sleep well until then. I'm always thrilled to make the extra money, so look forward to his weekends.

Turns out part of the achey and yucks last weekend was also coming down with a sinus infection. Typical for me in the fall and spring. Some things never change. Better now.

The new PA, Emily, is going to be out on her own starting Thursday. She'll be in the hospitals more and rarely doing stress tests. She found them a tad overwhelming, but she did great. From a selfish standpoint, this means I get to rest more now since I'm not teaching her. This is good.

Friday I couldn't even function, didn't take a shower until after 2:30 pm. This is typical for returning to work. Then errands have to be done on the recovery times, so I'm pretty boring. Still more tired than I would like for doing little over the past three days, although working on getting the house slightly more presentable. Still more chest pain than I would like. Sometimes it isn't there, but it doesn't take much for it to rear it's ugly head again.

Well, off to try and sleep. Only 50 mins left, but you all know that it doesn't take that long for all H__L to break loose with me!

Thanks for checking, Laurie

Oct 14: starting third week

So, yes, I am back to work. Tomorrow will be the start of my third week. Friday was the deposit of the previous week, and my checking account was SOOOO happy! I am tired every night--Tuesday am is used recovering from Monday and Friday until early afternoon is spent recovering from Weds & Thurs. Hey, it keeps my expenses down at least.

On Saturday I had a guy over to move things around in the garage, Rose came over and helped. Got a lot more done than I had hoped for. When I moved in everything just got piled, so now is the reorganization and trying to get rid of some of the larger stuff. And it looks like it will only take one more session before my car will fit into one side of the very large two-bay garage! Believe it or not, there has never been a car in there. The guy who lived here before and separated the house into two apartments used it for wood working space. It's almost all carpeted!! So that will need to come up on the car side.

I was more achey this weekend, because I got my flu shot on Thursday. Saturday night and today were the worse, but it's passing now. It's worth it, however, because if that's just what building the immunity does to me I know it would be a lot worse if I actually got the flu. And, let's face it, I am the poster child for flu immunization between work, asthma and heart + metal.

So, off to bed! Thanks for checking in. Laurie

Oct 8: quick check-in

So, I worked last week for the first time. It was nice to see people again, and they gave me a wonderful reception (including cake and a big card w/everyone's signatures and an outstanding caricature of me!) That being said, I must admit that it took everything out of me. Friday, after working two days, I could barely function until mid-afternoon, Saturday a little better. Didn't feel OK until Sunday, at which point I did too much and ended up in quite a bit of pain. And, for perspective, "too much" was changing the sheets on my bed and doing two small loads of wash. I still have almost constant pain, either sternum or in the right back from the thoracotomy. People seem to think because I'm smiling that everything's fine, so maybe I'm being too stoic. I still can't roll over in bed, get in or out of bed or a chair without pain. It's the end of the day, so more pain than in the morning, plus I had to take out the trash and recycling. It hurts to do anything.

Needed to get that out of my system. Laurie

Oct 2: Questions answered for new & old readers

Hi there! Gee, I didn't realize just how long since the last posting. I often compose things in my head before actually writing them, so sometimes I lose track of what is and isn't written.

I'm hoping for increased readership here, for a couple of reasons. Tomorrow will be the first day back at work and then there will be returning to the hospitals. Obviously, I will be seeing people for the first time in months and expect many questions regarding what has been happening. (Not everyone has been as devoted as you wonderful regular readers!) While the concern is appreciated, I find that I can no longer keep telling the story over and over. It's like ripping off a scab repeatedly and rubbing salt into it. And let's face it: it's a pretty painful story for me literally and figuratively. So, I will be refering everyone to reading this.

So, here is something new. Below are several questions that are the most commonly asked. This should make it quicker for those not familiar with recent events to catch up.

1) What happened with this third heart surgery? Replacing the mitral valve with a mechanical one and repairing the tricuspid valve.

2) What are the major problems now? Having a metal valve at a young age, being on coumadin for life (increases all bleeding but keeps clots from forming on valve and causing strokes) and having the mitral valve opening of an 8 year old supporting an adult heart and body.

3) Am I in pain? Yes, unfortunately, nearly constantly. The sternum hurts a lot, the right back which was cut open for the thoracotomy when I do too much and the right lung with the mesh inside. Some improvement but suspect will always be problems.

4) Why is it taking so long for you to recover from this surgery? Because I've had three open heart surgeries and a thoracotomy in less than three years, which is almost undeard of. My muscles are atrophied, I'm weak and without much stamina.

5) Why didn't they just replace the valve right away? Because repair of your own tissue is better than replacing, especially in the heart. The metal valve will shear blood cells and cause a mild anemia, the blood thinner can cause major problems and the metal valve can cause destruction of the remaining heart muscle over time.

6) How is your brain? About 80% and I seem recovered to most people. But my memory is bad with things that I don't think of regularly, word finding can be a problem and I have problems multi-tasking, which was one of my strong points. I'm forgetful. This is to be expected: I've been on heart bypass with my heart has been stopped for over 10 hours total from the three heart surgeries.

7) Are you glad you moved? Incredibly. It was a horrid several months selling the Ambler house, renovating this one and physically moving. But this place is so much easier for me to handle and the cost is so much lower with the upstairs apartment rented out.

8) Are you ever going to be totally better? No. Small valve opening will always cause fatigue and limit my activities. The sternum being split repeatedly will always be a problem. The thoracotomy will always cause my right arm to be weaker, and chances are will always be somewhat painful. My right lung will always feel uncomfortable because of the repair. But I am much better than I have been over the past three years. I'm no longer dying, which few people wanted to face but was the truth of what was happening.

9) What are you hoping to do when you are better? My first major goal is to climb the mountain in NH that my family goes up every year. I struggled up in 2004 just before I got really severe and that was the last time. It's become very symbolic for me--it's my Mount Everest, my Holy Grail, what will show that I have taken back my life. That attempt will be in late June/early July 2008. After that I want to go back to traveling in other countries again.

10) How have you coped with all this? Some days better than others! I get very depressed sometimes, but at my core I'm very optimistic and that always wins out. Being realistic. And always being aware that there are so many people all over the world who are much sicker than I am and without health insurance. Praying a lot. Depending on my two closest friends Brenda and Joanne, who have been my rocks. Being supported by other friends and family.

Further medical details can be found in the July 28 2007 posting, for those that wish. If I've missed anything that you have as a burning question then leave it in comments.

I'm now up to 1 full mile of walking!! Takes a little over 30 minutes.

Thanks for checking. Laurie