May 3: General updates
Maybe I just needed to get back in the habit again. Appreciate Kevan and Deneen's comments. If a handsome Canadian Mountie showed up right now I'm sad to report that my first thought would be to get him to put the air conditioners in! And sometimes my lack of writing is that I just don't feel like being particularly introspective.
Kind of stunned when reviewing my posting before last it was March. So, what's been going on....
Audi sale went through without a hitch, although not as early as anticipated because of the seller waiting for financing. I've gone out of my way to put stuff in the empty bay in the garage so it's not quite as gaping an area. I've actually been pleased at how little it's an issue now. The actual release was the hardest, but now that it's over it's just over. There have been a couple times I've wished for it, but on the whole the Camry is just fine.
Working on refinancing still. Mom generously gave me some money, put some IRS refund money in, sold some things; actually have the home equity line monthly payment down so much now that it might not be worth the cost of the re-fi, especially with the aspect of having the Camry, re-doing the rental unit and Zerla's surgery being paid off for 15 years. Asked the bank how long the house appraisal is good for, may try to push back a few months and see if I can continue to get the principal down. With the prospect of disability in a few years it will be comforting to have as little debt as possible.
Tenant still an issue, and a major round tonight. He still hasn't paid me on time, his fees are mounting, at this point equal one month's rent, plus May. He's begging me to give him another month. Offering to hand over his paychecks to me for me to take a portion out and give him the rest. I told him I have to think about it. Someone else has approached me about renting, which may have a definite impact on my decision. He accepts that he has screwed up, but the biggest thing he did wrong was lie to me. If you know me then you know that lying is the one thing that I just refuse to tolerate. I've pretty much made up my mind to terminate the lease at the end of the month, but we'll see.
On the subject of the rental unit, let me address Deneen's comments from before. The house is separated into the first floor and second floor. While I'm doing the stairs with much more ease, there is no way I could live on the second floor and do them daily. They are quite steep, and it would mean hauling up groceries, cat litter, etc. Additionally there is the issue of just how much the market will bear. For this area, with it not being an entire house, it would probably only rent for $200 a month more. That's not enough to pay off the mortgage or do anything major about finances, certainly not worth the difficulty of dealing with the second floor. Also, the upstairs won't support a washer and dryer (the pipes are too small), so that would be laundry up and down. The kitchen in the first floor was beautifully re-done by Bidge and includes an apartment sized stacking washer/dryer, which allows for basic laundry without stairs. There are full sized units in the basement as well. So many reasons why the current arrangement is still, by far, the best and most realistic.
Oreo is still with me, but my cousins in NY are going to take her. The delay is that Emma has to find a home for the guinea pig first. Meantime, my lack of sociability may be affected by losing my meditative place to Oreo. She's out in the general population during the day but has to be separated at night because Chester finds it too irresistible to resist picking on her in the early morning hours. The hissing and yowling is not conducive to sleep. While I can put her in the enclosed porch for my quiet time, it still means having to set up everything, making the whole process seem more laborious. It's a production to set up the relaxing picture of the moon relflected in the water, the chalice and candle, special stones from Glastonbury and my CD player with meditation music, book of contemplation....yes, it's a rather extensive ritual. But during the deep breathing phase last night it became evident that incense needs to be coped with as well because the scent of cat litter is just not conducive to a deeply relaxing medatative state. Damn cat.
Tomorrow is Martha's birthday. John's comment tonight was that he just didn't know how he felt. Nothing seems right, not doing anything seems wrong, but he just feels like denying the whole thing. Lyle and Emma apparently feel the same. Making the timeframe more difficult is that Mother's Day is this Sunday. I had offered to go up, if only for a diversion, but it's on hold for now. My comment to him was that his instincts have been perfect through all of this, he would know tomorrow the best thing to do--or not to do.
An interesting note (possibly) on a reaction of John's which might offer some insight to others: he finds that he can't deal with her family. As he expressed it to me it's not that he doesn't love them, it isn't that he doesn't want to be a part of their lives anymore, it isn't even that he doesn't want them in his life anymore. He gets along splendidly with all of them, is very fond of her relatives. It boils down to not being able to react to their loss. His/my family is, of course, mainly concerned about him and the kids, regardless of how close any of us were to Martha we are still the in-laws, her loss is more indirect. This is much different from Martha's parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, friends....who are grieving Martha's death and how it directly affects them. This gave me perspective on the death of a couple friends in the past which lead to a loss of contact with the spouse. It isn't because the people who were primarily close to the lost loved one aren't important to the remaining family , but rather the need to insulate from other's grief. Hope he doesn't mind my sharing this and that it might give someone else an explanation for a similar situation.
Chrissy is now home, but in a lot of pain. The first surgery was done laproscopically (sp?), she was home the following evening. The next morning, Thursday, she used the toilet, and while turning to flush caught her foot on the bathroom rug. She fell, unable to react fast enough to protect anything, and landed directly on her stomach. This caused the incision sites to open up, to the extent that at least one of them had a small loop of bowel protruding--never a good thing. Idiot that she is (I actually used stronger terms when speaking to her today) instead of calling 911 she had her daughter drive her back to the hospital. This lead to the second surgery, having to open up the abdomen to correct the herniation of bowel, etc. She feels absolutely horrible, hasn't pooped in 9 days. So after telling her to eat pineapple tonight (contains enzyme that really helps with this) in addition to the three other medications for these issues, my stern instructions for tomorrow were that if there was not significant improvement she was to go back to the ER--there are times that an enema is really your best friend.
On that happy note I will sign off. Thanks for continuing to check in, Laurie
Kind of stunned when reviewing my posting before last it was March. So, what's been going on....
Audi sale went through without a hitch, although not as early as anticipated because of the seller waiting for financing. I've gone out of my way to put stuff in the empty bay in the garage so it's not quite as gaping an area. I've actually been pleased at how little it's an issue now. The actual release was the hardest, but now that it's over it's just over. There have been a couple times I've wished for it, but on the whole the Camry is just fine.
Working on refinancing still. Mom generously gave me some money, put some IRS refund money in, sold some things; actually have the home equity line monthly payment down so much now that it might not be worth the cost of the re-fi, especially with the aspect of having the Camry, re-doing the rental unit and Zerla's surgery being paid off for 15 years. Asked the bank how long the house appraisal is good for, may try to push back a few months and see if I can continue to get the principal down. With the prospect of disability in a few years it will be comforting to have as little debt as possible.
Tenant still an issue, and a major round tonight. He still hasn't paid me on time, his fees are mounting, at this point equal one month's rent, plus May. He's begging me to give him another month. Offering to hand over his paychecks to me for me to take a portion out and give him the rest. I told him I have to think about it. Someone else has approached me about renting, which may have a definite impact on my decision. He accepts that he has screwed up, but the biggest thing he did wrong was lie to me. If you know me then you know that lying is the one thing that I just refuse to tolerate. I've pretty much made up my mind to terminate the lease at the end of the month, but we'll see.
On the subject of the rental unit, let me address Deneen's comments from before. The house is separated into the first floor and second floor. While I'm doing the stairs with much more ease, there is no way I could live on the second floor and do them daily. They are quite steep, and it would mean hauling up groceries, cat litter, etc. Additionally there is the issue of just how much the market will bear. For this area, with it not being an entire house, it would probably only rent for $200 a month more. That's not enough to pay off the mortgage or do anything major about finances, certainly not worth the difficulty of dealing with the second floor. Also, the upstairs won't support a washer and dryer (the pipes are too small), so that would be laundry up and down. The kitchen in the first floor was beautifully re-done by Bidge and includes an apartment sized stacking washer/dryer, which allows for basic laundry without stairs. There are full sized units in the basement as well. So many reasons why the current arrangement is still, by far, the best and most realistic.
Oreo is still with me, but my cousins in NY are going to take her. The delay is that Emma has to find a home for the guinea pig first. Meantime, my lack of sociability may be affected by losing my meditative place to Oreo. She's out in the general population during the day but has to be separated at night because Chester finds it too irresistible to resist picking on her in the early morning hours. The hissing and yowling is not conducive to sleep. While I can put her in the enclosed porch for my quiet time, it still means having to set up everything, making the whole process seem more laborious. It's a production to set up the relaxing picture of the moon relflected in the water, the chalice and candle, special stones from Glastonbury and my CD player with meditation music, book of contemplation....yes, it's a rather extensive ritual. But during the deep breathing phase last night it became evident that incense needs to be coped with as well because the scent of cat litter is just not conducive to a deeply relaxing medatative state. Damn cat.
Tomorrow is Martha's birthday. John's comment tonight was that he just didn't know how he felt. Nothing seems right, not doing anything seems wrong, but he just feels like denying the whole thing. Lyle and Emma apparently feel the same. Making the timeframe more difficult is that Mother's Day is this Sunday. I had offered to go up, if only for a diversion, but it's on hold for now. My comment to him was that his instincts have been perfect through all of this, he would know tomorrow the best thing to do--or not to do.
An interesting note (possibly) on a reaction of John's which might offer some insight to others: he finds that he can't deal with her family. As he expressed it to me it's not that he doesn't love them, it isn't that he doesn't want to be a part of their lives anymore, it isn't even that he doesn't want them in his life anymore. He gets along splendidly with all of them, is very fond of her relatives. It boils down to not being able to react to their loss. His/my family is, of course, mainly concerned about him and the kids, regardless of how close any of us were to Martha we are still the in-laws, her loss is more indirect. This is much different from Martha's parents, siblings, nieces, nephews, friends....who are grieving Martha's death and how it directly affects them. This gave me perspective on the death of a couple friends in the past which lead to a loss of contact with the spouse. It isn't because the people who were primarily close to the lost loved one aren't important to the remaining family , but rather the need to insulate from other's grief. Hope he doesn't mind my sharing this and that it might give someone else an explanation for a similar situation.
Chrissy is now home, but in a lot of pain. The first surgery was done laproscopically (sp?), she was home the following evening. The next morning, Thursday, she used the toilet, and while turning to flush caught her foot on the bathroom rug. She fell, unable to react fast enough to protect anything, and landed directly on her stomach. This caused the incision sites to open up, to the extent that at least one of them had a small loop of bowel protruding--never a good thing. Idiot that she is (I actually used stronger terms when speaking to her today) instead of calling 911 she had her daughter drive her back to the hospital. This lead to the second surgery, having to open up the abdomen to correct the herniation of bowel, etc. She feels absolutely horrible, hasn't pooped in 9 days. So after telling her to eat pineapple tonight (contains enzyme that really helps with this) in addition to the three other medications for these issues, my stern instructions for tomorrow were that if there was not significant improvement she was to go back to the ER--there are times that an enema is really your best friend.
On that happy note I will sign off. Thanks for continuing to check in, Laurie
posted by Laurie @ 9:47 PM
2 Comments:
At 11:58 PM,
Kevan said…
I'm sure those mounties would be more than willing to mount your A/C's for you.
At 4:49 AM,
Anonymous said…
Chrissy,
I hope you feel better, and use the improving weather to get outside and keep the spirits up.
Laurie,
thanks for the chatting with us.
it is a shame about the tenant,,, just think if he is this comfortable both with lying to you and delaying payment [both of which are dis-respectful]this early in the relationship - this only a sign of times to come and usually only get worse?
well shame the switching the living space idea not doable, just shooting out ideas as the pop in my head.
that is an interesting viewpoint about the different reactions/interactions involving a death. never thought of it that way.
hope you get your meditative spot back soon, that is important to ones mind/body/soul health.
Deneen
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