March 2: If you can't say something nice....

Good God, I had lost track of the fact that it has been over a month since my last posting. My apologies to Deneen and anyone else who still checks regularly, although most have probably stopped by now, assuming I wasn't posting anymore.

Well, as the heading says: .....don't say anything. As you are aware, and commented on even after my last posting on my birthday, I have really tried to keep looking at things from a positive standpoint. I'm afraid that mindset is not working really well at this point. There have been no improvements in the last 2-3 months, and I'm afraid that this is the level that I may be stuck at. While I am coping, and have been working three days a week which gets me by financially (with little wiggle room, however) it seems that's the most I can do. The days off are still spent recuperating and doing the errands that most people can do in a few hours. Last week was the timeframe I have been dreading, Carrie being off for two and a half weeks. (BTW: wedding was on Saturday, Carrie looked gorgeous and the reception was just incredible--very lavish.) So last week I had to work four full days, including two in the hospital. On the plus side, I loved being back at DelCo (Delaware County Memorial Hospital) and seeing lots of people. But at the end of eight hours I was so exhausted that I had to rest before driving home. But I felt better with having gotten out of the office and being more stimulated, seeing more people. But the next day was rough, and Friday in the office I was just spent. Even my boss, JG, who has managed to not see how horrid I looked most of the time commented on it. The girls weren't sure if they should let me drive home. Yesterday was all prep for the wedding, then reception and all. Today I was too tired to go to Fellowship, just picked up around the house and did a little vacuuming--the dust bunnies were really taking over. And I'm exhausted, which is not good to go into the beginning of the week.

PLEASE don't give me the platitudes about giving it more time and thinking positive, etc, etc. I'm telling myself that I deserve a time of reactionary depression, and a true realization that this may be all I can expect from now on. All work and little play, because all my energy goes to working and daily living stuff. It's kind of overwhelming.

Yes, I think regularly about writing a book at some point, which is why it's good for me to try and discipline myself to write here. But it just sounds like something else that would take time and energy, which makes it seem overwhelming.

Thank God for digital TV and DVR.

I'll post soon, even if I'm still feeling down. One way or the other, it is a part of all this.

Laurie